Is this creepy? I feel like it might be. If I were writing a letter to myself...and I am not sure I should...I would want to send it to me back in high school. I think it might go something like this...
Dear Arryn,
First of all, let's address the elephant in the room - yes this is future you, and yes, this is creepy, but just hang with me a moment. Second, you look amazing! Seriously, you are so fit and you will wish for those legs and stomach to come back just as they are now. Your body is going to change so much over the next 20 years and it will all be ok. Some of those changes you will love (we will get to that in a minute) and some of them you won't. Just be kind to yourself. High school is only the very, very beginning of your life unfolding. Believe it or not, you are only just starting to make decisions for yourself, setting goals, going after dreams and trying new things. Sometimes you feel that you are already there, but it is just the beginning and it gets so much better and so much harder. Wait! Don't panic! I said just hang tight.
You are going to get over your crush. It will take some time, but he is not the one for you. There is another guy that is just around the corner and he is amazing! You will actually be a tad indifferent at first, but don't worry, he is not going anywhere. He is in it for the long haul and you will fall head-over-heels for him and he for you. He is a big reason why you will love college so much. (College is nothing like high school - praise hands! Major spoiler: you will be homecoming queen. I know)! You will meet your very best friends in college and they will become life-long friends. They are the real deal.
As you study in college, you are going to discover ceramics. You will make a career out of it despite the negative feedback you may receive about being an art major. As you get started, just stick with it because you are actually going to hate this class at first. Like, it will be the worst part of your day. Hang in there because it will click and then you will love it, and it will become the best part of your day.
You will learn what it takes to walk alongside your best friends as they deal with life-altering heartbreak. You will laugh until you cry and also cry until you laugh. All of this can be healed by sharing an entire pan of brownies with your besties. You will not fear consuming those calories one little bit because you will be in the best shape of your life and can eat literally whatever you want and still rock swimsuit season. (I don't want to dwell too much on that one, because future you is not too happy about a diminished metabolism. Let's just say in 20 years you can't get away with it, so enjoy that while you can.)
You will marry that amazing guy right out of college and plenty will say you are too young. Don't listen to them. You actually are ready. He is the one and the two of you are going to build a beautiful life together. You will even get to live just 15 minutes away from the ocean. Babies are in your future. I will let that unfold without too much of a spoiler, but let's just say it turns out you are quite fertile. Those babies will enter your life a bit sooner than expected in your marriage, but don't let that scare you off because they are the most incredible humans ever. It is the greatest gift being their mom. You'll see. (Pregnancy will actually be one of those times when you are loving your body and all of it's changes. Postpartum is more of a struggle).
You are going to start your pottery business. It will build and grow, and you are going to be feeling pretty good when you enter your thirties, but don't let yourself become to comfortable or too proud. There is going to be quite a storm to go through with gale-force winds whipping from all directions. You are going to really struggle. It will be scary, physically painful, draining and disheartening. You and your husband are going to fall deeper in love during this storm and a tiny miracle will emerge in the midst of it.
Psalm 46 will live in your heart. When the doubt creeps in that God cares for you, push it away and run to Him instead. Put your trust in God, who is your refuge and strength and a helper to you in times of trouble. Remember, "we will not be afraid, though the earth trembles and the mountains topple into the depths of the seas, though its water roars and foams and the mountains quake with its turmoil". Be still and trust that God is who he says he is. He sees you and cares for you deeply.
You will come out of this storm for a season, but the next one is lurking on the horizon and it will be bigger. Don't lose sight because God is so much bigger than that storm. Trust in Him. Your children will be watching you closely and will be scared themselves. This storm is too big for their little hearts to carry. Teach them to trust. "The person who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence indeed is the Lord, is blessed. He will be like a tree planted by water: it sends its roots out toward a stream, it doesn't fear when heat comes, and its foliage remains green. It will not worry in a year of drought or cease producing fruit" (Jeremiah 17:7-8). These verses will become your family mantra.
The storm won't rage forever, but it will simmer in the background. Future you is still in that simmer, but it feels so much better. You can breathe so much easier. Your husband is still your best friend in all the world, and the two of you will laugh yourselves silly over the dumbest things. He will kiss you on the forehead and not care that you have lots of scars all over your body. (A change you will not like, but will learn to love anyways). He will take you to Italy and you will never be the same! (In fact, you will wake some mornings completely disheartened to not be waking up in Italy. Take a personal day and have a cappuccino).
Your life really will be beautiful. Just follow Jesus in all that you do because He is what makes it all beautiful.
Love,
Arryn
P.S. - Your obsession with miniature ponies never goes away, and sadly you do not have one at this time. You do have a bunny, multiple chickens and unfortunatley a fish, but let's not get into that one.
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